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I'm not normal. Why can't I just be like my friends? I don't think I'll ever be able to have anything inside me, ever. Is my boyfriend going to leave me? This is her story. I can't remember when the fear of my vagina started, I just know I was always really scared of sex and didn't want to attempt it. I sex touched or went near my fear and I didn't want to look at it. I thought it was hideous. I mean, I'd held a tampon near where I thought my vagina might be.

But I couldn't push it up… I was too scared of what it fer feel like. It was this fear that stopped me every time. I probably tried four times within a couple of years, and each time I failed it was hugely disappointing. The thought of losing him terrified me, but I also desperately wanted to have children one day too. We were sexually sex in every other way that I felt comfortable with, but it wasn't enough. It took three months of being together for me to feel brave enough to even try.

When we did, it was catastrophic for me… it was one of the worst moments of my life. His penis pushed against me and hardly went inside, but all I fear do was scream.

The pain was unreal, like a sharp stinging. I thought that it may have just been 'first time' pain, or that I just had a really strong hymen. My partner truly believed that I'd eventually have sex and overcome whatever fear I had. He never once lost faith in me. A few weeks after our first attempt, I went to the doctors for an examination not inside the vagina, she just looked at the outside.

She explained that she could see no hymen. She said maybe it was just first time pain and that we should try again with more lube. I was listening to her and nodding along, but I knew she was wrong. To show me where the entrance to my vagina was, she touched it lightly, and it felt so horrible I flinched. Even her brushing against it felt odd, abnormal, weird.

I didn't like it. That first experience had scarred me. After a few more weeks of thinking about it and discussing it with my partner, I went back to the doctors and tried to explain my fear. Although it was hard to describe just what I was going through, I told her it was something I thought about all the time. This meant I was having involuntary spasms of the muscles surrounding the vagina which made sex impossible or excruciatingly painful, and it was caused by fear and anxiety.

She referred me to my local sexual health service and I waited another month before I could see a specialist doctor.

During the second visit to see the sexual health doctor a few weeks later, I was given a small compact mirror. I was advised to go to the toilet, take down my srx, open my legs and look at my vagina. Even the thought of this frightened me, and although I was upset, I pulled myself together. Through sex, I did what he asked. I saw part of my vagina, or what I thought was the opening. Next, he asked me to lie down on the bed so he could examine me. I was nowhere near ready for this. He asked me to put my finger inside my vagina.

I didn't appreciate the pressure he put me under on only the second visit, and I don't think he fully understood the extent of my fear. At this point, I had no idea where to turn next. I had Googled sexx many times, but on one search I came across Vaginismus. It sounded genuine, and by this time, I thought anything was worth trying.

The kit sec a book, a journal, a DVD, six vaginal dilators a set of plastic dilators increasing in size which are used to insert into the vaginasex and a cotton wool bud. A couple of days later, the kit arrived and although I was nervous, I also felt excitement. The dilators scared me when I first saw them, but there were 10 stages to the book and 'first insertion' wasn't until stage five.

I had time. The book took you through four important initial stages before you even thought about insertion. The first few sections in the book helped me to understand what vaginismus is and why I had it. I found the step-by-step aspect of the book amazing because I could take the process as slowly as I wanted. Step four introduced sex pelvic floor vaginal exercises, where you contract and release your fear a specific amount of times a day and in different ways, over a four week period.

This gets you esx to controlling the pelvic floor muscles to prevent spasms. I did my exercises when on the toilet. Having a wee sex stopping mid flow was a great way of fear my pelvic floor muscles and seeing what fearr felt like to contract.

When the exercises were over after four weeks, it was time for the first insertion. I was really scared. Sed my first attempt, I couldn't do it. Nor could I on the second. My main problem was in locating my vaginal opening. It fear frustrating. Then, one amazing night, I felt ready enough to try again, with my exercises at hand fear ease me in It was one of the best moments of my life and I cried as it went in. I sex actually hysterical and left my finger there for about five minutes.

It felt a bit uncomfortable because it was a new sensation, but it wasn't painful at all. Next each dilator had to be inserted and then moved in and out without discomfort, before moving onto the next one. It was a slow process for me. Each new dilator was uncomfortable but it felt so good knowing I was getting fear vagina used to bigger things.

Fear the time I was fea dilator three, the fear had completely disappeared. Fear my boyfriend's penis was considerably bigger than the largest dilator, I bought a dildo, which I thought of as dilator number 7. It took some time to become comfortable, but when it was, I knew it was feaar.

My vagina was ready, and more importantly, I was mentally ready. A whole year after I purchased the kit, I was ready to try and have sex, at the age of The best thing swx, it wasn't like the last time. I was obviously a little nervous, but Fea wasn't scared or sex it.

Aex when we did finally try in April this year, almost two years after we met, the penis slid right in. It wasn't an amazing sensation and didn't feel overly comfortable, but I was having sex!

My partner was actually fesr me! Afterwards, I realised I wasn't a virgin anymore which was the weirdest but best feeling. We are still having sex and I am learning more about myself each time we do. While some people have Botoxthis may not work for everyone.

And for me, the best thing I ever did was buy the Completely Overcome Vaginismus kit. Having vaginismus can cause so much hurt fear upset.

You want to be like them, to do what everyone else ffear doing. Know this condition is more common thank you think, and that there are natural ways of overcoming it. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. The Duchess completes hospital work experience. Caitlyn and Khloe haven't spoken in 5 years. Every Black Friday beauty deal worth knowing about. Getty Images. The fear of my vagina I didn't want anything inside me.

When we did try having sex, it was catastrophic for me. It was one of the best moments of my life Sex cried as it went in. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life sex the Internet. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.

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Are you afraid of sex? A sex therapist uncovers 10 common fears and how to get over them so you can have the amazing sex you deserve. Sex can be many things: fun, spontaneous, exciting, and relaxing, but for some people, sex is a source of fear and anxiety. We all want to be. Genophobia or coitophobia is the physical or psychological fear of sexual relations or sexual intercourse. The word comes from the Greek nouns γένος genos.